These days in a world so chaotic and fragile, time it seems has become a figment of my imagination. Every day I find myself processing information and realizing solutions at a rate that is the opposite of impressive. Sometimes I wonder if I am loosing myself and each day fragments of my old self seem to just disappear. The new person I am becoming is not like the person I used to be. I feel like my new self is stronger, more rigid, harder to break. My old self was easier, kinder, and more willing to be happy.
As the days go by it seems as though life looses it’s edge, certain things I used to love and enjoy I now struggle like and understand. The new things my new self likes seem to fade away more easily. I care about what people think of me, and since when did that happen? I simply can’t say. This process of becoming the new me has fogged my memory and changed my view on the simple things in life. It is now harder to resist accusations of a knowledge I was new as one hundred percent fact.
My emotions are more raw, more difficult to express, and when I due express them I find them more negative than positive. Is this what becoming an adult feels like? If so, I want nothing of it, I must accept it however because that is what needs to be done.
Perhaps there will come a day when I wont be so estranged the joyful boy I one was. It would mean the world to me if I saw the world now as I did when I was that joyful person. I think the quote “with great power comes great responsibility” has truly changed in meaning for me. I used to view it as you just need to make good decisions when you are in charge of more and more things as you get older. However true, I view it more now as with the more knowledge I attain and possess I must now take on the “responsibility” and bearing it’s harm to the world and deal with how this knowledge changes my view of the world we live in.
All that to say this, we live in a world increasingly more difficult to manage time and take things into perspective. Life literally flies by when we attain more technologies to help things go faster. We may now have more time to do the things we love right? Well the opposite is true. You see, I think humans have natural tendencies to spend time on things that we do. When we make technologies that help us do things faster, we simply do more of the certain activities that make us “happier”. For example, with the use of dishwashers, washing and drying machines, refrigerators, we now have more time to things that we enjoy our entertain us. Thus leading to higher usage of computers, cellphones, and televisions and less contact with our families and loved ones.
When you place such technologies in the life of student athlete who does weight room and tries to get very exceptional grades, it is not a pretty situation. Constant fatigue is something I find to be quite common and of course, this leads to an even deeper and vicious cycle of life when your becoming the person I have previously described in this post.
Whenever you can, I plead with you to put away the technologies and interact with what ever family you have more. Also, do not take on a load you know will yield negative effects in your specific life.